Much like a Les Miles press conference, the first round of the NFL Draft was a little crazy, definitely exciting, and completely unpredictable. Johnny Manziel didn’t get picked for what felt like an eternity, Louisville had more first round picks than Alabama, and the Big Ten sucked, but there’s really nothing surprising about that. Since everybody has their opinion of whether or not NFL teams made the right decision, I thought I’d add my mostly uninformed two-cents to the NFL Draft carousel:
1. Houston Texans – Jadaveon Clowney (DE, South Carolina): A. While it probably would have been a good move for the Texans to pick up a quaterback considering the guy they have led the league in pick-sixes last year, Jadaveon Clowney is a great choice. He’s monstrous and quick and can absolutely crush people with his tackling ability. This video is pretty much all you need to see to know Clowney is a good pick:
2. St. Louis Rams – Greg Robinson (OT, Auburn): B. Greg Robinson is a talented offensive tackle out of the SEC but choosing an offensive tackle is easily the most boring choice you could make so the Rams get a B.
3. Jacksonville Jaguars – Blake Bortles (QB, UCF): B. I watched Bortles play a good amount this season and he almost led UCF to a win over South Carolina and did lead his team to an AAC championship and a convincing win in a BCS bowl game. The guy is really talented and he’s from the state of Florida. Good choice.
4. Buffalo Bills – Sammy Watkins (WR, Clemson): A. I’m not a big fan of saying nice things about the ACC but Sammy Watkins is a killer. He absolutely torched Georgia in Clemson’s season opener and had a bunch of incredible games in his two years at the school that wishes it was South Carolina.
5. Oakland Raiders – Khalil Mack (OLB, Buffalo): B. Do you think I’ve ever watched Buffalo play football? Hell no. But from the clips they played on those draft coverage shows he looks like a decent player. I just feel bad for anyone who has to go float into obscurity with the Raiders.
6. Atlanta Falcons – Jake Matthews (OT, Texas A&M): A. Jake Matthews is an excellent player and he’s from the SEC but as I said before, there is no offensive tackle you could choose that I would be excited about. Nice choice by the Falcons, though.
7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Mike Evans (WR, Texas A&M): A. Mike Evans is a 6’5″, 231 pound wide receiver. As far as I can tell, the guy is basically Megatron 2.0. While he was playing with Johnny Manziel, it seemed like as long as Johnny put the football within 25 feet of Mike he could figure out a way to come down with the ball. Not to mention, he’s also lightening fast. Case in point:
8. Cleveland Browns – Justin Gilbert (CB, Oklahoma St.): F. Even Justin Gilbert was like “uhh, guys, you know you could have taken Johnny Manziel, right?” I mean, the Browns traded picks for a cornerback… A CORNERBACK. It was the most Browns thing ever.
9. Minnesota Vikings – Anthony Barr (OLB, UCLA): B. Just like Khalil Mack, I never really watched a UCLA football game this year but he got taken ninth overall so he’s gotta be pretty good.
10. Detroit Lions – Eric Ebron (TE, North Carolina): A. The only thing that would really help Matthew Stafford and the Lions is getting rid of Matthew Stafford and moving out of Detroit. I assume that’s not an option and the Lions are pretty set on defense and they definitely don’t need a wide receiver with Megatron on the roster, so Ebron seems like a smart choice.
11. Tennessee Titans – Taylor Lewan (OT, Michigan): D. ENOUGH WITH THE OFFENSIVE TACKLES. Especially from the Titans. Tennessee has taken an offensive tackle as their first pick in two straight drafts. Also, the Titans could use a new quarterback because Jake Locker gets injured in pretty much every game he plays in. Johnny Manziel, Derek Carr, and Teddy Bridgewater were all available and they took an offensive lineman. Terrible.
12. New York Giants – Odell Beckham (WR, LSU): A. The Giants have a quarterback who’s the brother of the best quarterback in the game so I think a wide receiver is a smart pick. Odell Beckham is an incredible athlete and made tons of ridiculous plays for LSU. I like it.
13. St. Louis Rams – Aaron Donald (DT, Pittsburgh): C. When it comes to making boring draft picks that I don’t care about, the Rams are like Richard Sherman, the best in the game. I’m not sure who this guy is but let’s be honest, if a guy plays defense in the ACC, did he really play at all?
14. Chicago Bears – Kyle Fuller (CB, Viginia Tech): B. He had an interception against Alabama once, so there’s that.
15. Pittsburgh Steelers – Ryan Shazier (OLB, Ohio State): C. This guy plays defense in the Big Ten so there’s a 90% chance he’s going to be terrible.
16. Dallas Cowboys – Zack Martin (OT, Notre Dame): F. DAMN IT, JERRY. You could have had Johnny Manziel. You could have sold tons of season tickets and had a better quarterback than Tony Throwsinterceptionsintheplayoffs. You could have truly made the Cowboys the crazy sideshow of the NFL offseason. BUT NO. You took an offensive lineman from Notre Dame when you actually needed players on defense… Honestly, it was really just classic Jerry Jones.
17. Baltimore Ravens – C.J. Mosley (ILB, Alabama): A. The Ravens know how to pick ’em. Seriously, when you’re choosing defensive players to draft, why would you not choose guys from the SEC, more specifically, from Alabama? It just makes sense.
18. New York Jets – Calvin Pryor (FS, Louisville): B. He had an interception against Blake Bortles once, so there’s that.
19. Miami Dolphins – Ja’Waun James (OT, Tennessee): B. Offensive lineman, don’t care. Although, he is from the SEC so they get a B.
20. New Orleans Saints – Brandin Cooks (WR, Oregon St.): B. He’s a wide receiver from the Pac-12, that’s pretty much all I know.
21. Green Bay Packers – Ha Ha Clinton Dix (FS, Alabama): A. As I said earlier, defensive players from Alabama are always a solid choice.
22. Cleveland Browns – Johnny Manziel (QB, Texas A&M): F. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Cleveland is the place where football talent goes to die. So many teams had the chance to pick up Johnny Manziel and he ended up in Cleveland. The only way this could be worse is if a homeless man told Jimmy Haslam to draft Manziel and that’s why he took him… OH YEAH, that happened. We’ll remember you forever Johnny Football. RIP.
23. Kansas City Chiefs – Dee Ford (DE, Auburn): A. SEC. Defense. Good.
24. Cincinnati Bengals – Darqueze Dennard (CB, Michigan State): B. While Darqueze Dennard definitely gets my pick for coolest name so far in the draft, he plays defense in the Big Ten and that does not bode well. I do have to say, he was great in MSU’s win against Ohio State. And the fact that he contributed to this picture happening makes him okay in my eyes:
25. San Diego Chargers – Jason Verrett (CB, TCU): C. Who is this?
26. Philadelphia Eagles – Marcus Smith (DE, Louisville): C. Never heard of this guy either.
27. Arizona Cardinals – Deone Bucannon (SS, Washington St.): C. He played against Auburn once, so there’s that.
28. Carolina Panthers – Kelvin Benjamin (Florida St.): A. Kelvin Benjamin is really good. Auburn knows what I’m talking about:
Sorry about that, Auburn fans… Benjamin will be a nice addition for Cam Newton and the Panthers. Although, anyone at all would have been nice addition to the Panthers receiver corps because they literally had no one.
29. New England Patriots – Dominique Easley (DT, Florida): B. Pretty much every player on the Patriots defense is from the SEC and that’s why their defense is good. If I’m being really honest, Easley wasn’t all that impressive this year but you just can’t go wrong with the SEC.
30. San Francisco 49ers – Jimmie Ward (SS, Northern Illinois): C. Yeah, I don’t know who this is and I don’t care but I’m sure he’ll be pretty good cause that’s just how Jim Harbaugh rolls.
31. Denver Broncos – Bradley Roby (CB, Ohio St.): I’ve seen people say that Bradley Roby is overrated and considering he’s a defensive player in the Big Ten, I’m sure that’s true. But with Peyton Manning at quarterback does this really matter?
32. Minnesota Vikings – Teddy Bridgewater (Louisville): A. Dang it. I love Teddy Bridgewater. If you haven’t seen an interview with the kid, go look one up now and you’ll feel the same. I also love this pick because Christian Ponder sucks and Adrien Peterson deserves a better quarterback. I heard Mel Kiper say Bridgewater will probably sit on the bench most of next year but if I had to guess, I’d say he’s starting by week 2. Seriously, Christian Ponder is terrible.
The Southeasterner 